Feel like I've not slept for a week, my eyesight is blurry, I'm dizzy, soar everywhere and I'm pretty sure my period is on it's way. At least I'm on my 16th or so book in one month, so that's something. Oh, and Doctor Who is on in 15, so yay. And I've finally started painting too. Alas, now it seems my little art show won' be so little after all. Apparantly it's gone from 1 location to 3, and I'm not sure how I feel about this. I mean, exposure is a good thing, but with exposure comes criticism, and I don't know if I can handle three times the ammount I was originally expecting.
Oh well, off to find a BBC live stream and try not to think about it...

I try to avoid swearing normally, but right now the only four words to describe my state of mind are 'fuck this fucking shit'.
I'm stressed, depressed, and really, really quite angry.
How come? Ohoho, so many reasons, where to start...
Apart from the fact that my mental health is on a rapid decline again, we have the following glorious reasons:

My eldest cat has gone blind from age. It went from bad eyesight, which we knew he had, to full on blindness in a matter of weeks, and I feel such a fucking berk for not noticing how bad it had gotten until suddenly the poor thing was completely blind and bumping in to things I carelessly set down where it shouldn't be, tripping down the stairs and sitting in the mmiddle of the floor mewling because he'd gotten unsure of where he was. It broke my heart. When I figured it out I just fell into a heap on the floor crying, anxiety spiralling out of control etc. He's dealing with it fine now though. He's taken it much better than I have actually, poor little booger.

Second on the list: bedbugs. We haven't been infested, but my poor mum has been twice this year. She's already dealing with illnesses and screw-up physicians, and she was finally starting to feel better, being put on the right medication, getting over the stress and depression of the first infestation etc, and then today it seems like the bleeding little sods are back. Problem is, they know who in the building keeps bringing them back, but the landlord has so far done nothing about it... Bastards. Worst part? There's nothing I can do to help. Fuck.

And third: Thanks to the marvels of modern day bureaucracy, once more we find ourselves on the cusp of loosing our shit completely regarding finances, by no fault of our own. It's times like these I'm actually sort of glad my dad killed himself and left me something of an inheritance, otherwise we'd be up shit creek without as much as a canoe by now. Fuck fuckity fucking fuck. Sometimes I think it might be just as well if I stopped trying to find things in life to enjoy.
"You think everything is finally okay, and then it's not" - a ten word fucking story about my life.

Not too eloquently put I'll admit, but it's a pretty accurate description of how I currently feel. My PMS is never fun, but right now it seems to be off the charts, because every little thing is enough to upset me. I'm probably gonna have to sleep on sedatives tonight just so that a) I can actually get to sleep, and b) doing so without spending several hours tossing, turning and crying over things that normally do not bother me. Like suddenly remembering how much I miss the people who aren't here anymore, worrying about my mothers health (although admittedly, I never stop worrying about that.), thinking about everything that I've missed out on over the past 15 years... Oh, and worrying myself sick about my future. Eventhough I'm getting better at a fair steady pace, I've no idea of what I'm supposed to do... after. Or possibly 'if'.Or if that even matters anymore.